What’s your opinion? Best wishes.
Yours,
Qiao Lin
教师点评
1. 这篇初稿内容基本完整,而且注意到了信件的格式。开头的称呼部分和结尾处的祝福语部分也比较完整。观点部分陈述得比较清楚,只陈述了赞成的观点及理由,符合本写作任务的要求。文章主体部分条理也较清晰,并使用了"Firstly"、"Secondly"、"Last but not least"等词和短语,可以说还是基本合格的。
. 文章存在的问题:
①文章开门见山提出自己的观点,但是缺少引入部分,让人读起来感觉特别生硬,不符合信件写作的特点。②在主体部分中,第二段一开头就使用了"it"来代指"bilingual teaching",这让人感觉很突兀;另外,文章中主要使用的都是简单句,读起来感觉较为松散,缺少缜密感。
③结尾部分只用了一句"What’s your opinion?",比较生硬,缺少人情味。如果这些问题都能在成稿中改正,它就是一篇不错的范文了。
成稿:
Dear Editor,
Nowadays, bilingual teaching has become a very hot topic. People have different views on this. In my opinion, bilingual teaching can be very useful.
Firstly, bilingual teaching can help us improve our language abilities even when we are in science class! Because of this, there is no doubt that our language abilities will be greatly improved. Secondly, it will raise our education to a world level. Education is very important for the future of a country. As the world gets smaller, like a small village, it becomes more and more important to teach the students at a national level. Last but not least, it will also help us learn more about different cultures. I believe that we should promote bilingual teaching all over the country.
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