But as she prepares to depart, Allie's feelings have gone underground. When I reach to touch her arm, she pulls away. She turns down every invitation I extend. She lies on her bed, reading Emily Dickinson until I say I have always loved Emily Dickinson, and then she closes the book.
Some say the tighter your bond with your child, the greater her need to break away, to establish her own identity in the world. The more it will hurt, they say. A friend of mine who went through a difficult time with her daughter but now has become close to her again, tells me," Your daughter will be back to you.”
“I don’t know,” I say. I sometimes feel so angry that I want to go over and shake Allie. I want to say, “Talk to me -- or you're grounded!” I feel myself wanting to say that most horrible of all mother phrases: “Think of everything I've done for you.”
Late one night, as I'm getting ready for bed she comes to the bathroom door and watches me brush my teeth. For a moment, I think I must be brushing my teeth in a way she doesn't approve of. But then she says, “I want to read you something.” It's a pamphlet(小册子)from her college. “These are tips for parents.”
I watch her face as she reads the advice aloud: “‘Don't ask your child if she is homesick,’ it says. ‘She might feel bad the first few weeks, but don't let it worry you. This is a natural time of transition. Write her letters and call her a lot. Send a package of goodies...’ ”
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