When difficult people express themselves orally, they generally want at least two things: they’ve been heard and they’ve been understood. As a good communicator should be a good listener, five steps are advocated toward good listening.
The first step is cooperating(合作).How does a difficult person know that you’re listening and understanding? In fact, it’s through the way you look and sound while he is talking. You may help him to fully express his thoughts and feelings. You do this by nodding your head in agreement, making certain sounds of understanding.
When the person begins to repeat what’s been said, it’s a signal of step two: turning back. It means that you repeat some words he is using, sending a clear signal the you’re listening carefully and that you think what he is saying is important.
Having heard what he has to say, the next step is clarifying. At this point, you start to gather information about what is being communicated. Ask same open-ended questions, which will allow you to figure out what intention he is hoping to satisfy.
The fourth step is to summarize(概括)what you’ve heard. This allows you to make sure that both you and the difficult person are on the same page. When you do this, two things happen First, if you’ve missed something, he can fill in the (细节).Second, you’ve shown that you’re making an effort to understand completely. This increases possibility of gaining cooperation from him.
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