00:00:08,990　　[《星球大战V 克隆人战争》插曲]　　"The Imperial March"　　2　　00:00:19,890 --> 00:00:22,850　　您能行行好把衬衫给关了吗　　Would you please turn your shirt off?　　3　　00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:23,860　　那怎么行　　What?　　4　　00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:25,680　　我的闪亮出场需要恢宏的背景音乐　　I'm giving myself dramatic entrance music.　　5　　00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:28,390　　这样人们才会崇拜并畏惧我　　People will know I'm awesome and to be feared.　　6　　00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:30,450　　确实　　Right.　　7　　00:00:30,460 --> 00:00:32,620　　世上最惊悚的事莫过于　　There's nothing more awesome and frightening than a man　　8　　00:00:32,630 --> 00:00:35,740　　有音乐从一个男人的咪咪间喷薄而出　　who's got music blasting from between his nipples.　　9　　00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:39,040　　斯图亚特　　忙啥呢　　Hey, Stuart, what's going on?　　10　　00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:41,810　　你可能需要在谷歌日历上记下了　　Well, you might want to mark your Google calendars.　　11　　00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:44,670　　斯坦·李周四来这里开签名会　　Stan Lee is coming to do a signing on Thursday.　　12　　00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,230　　他的自传出续集了吗　　Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography?　　13　　00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,930　　我就知道80来岁的人照样老当益壮　　I'm sure ages 79 through 87 were just action-packed.　　14　　00:00:51,540 --> 00:00:53,920　　没　　就是普通的漫画签名罢了　　No, just a regular comic signing.　　15　　00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:57,230　　我叔叔是他的皮肤科医生 斯坦·李因此卖个面子给他　　My uncle is his dermatologist and Stan's doing him a favor.　　16　　00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,680　　你告诉我这些干嘛啊你　　Oh, I don't want to know that!　　17　　00:00:59,690 --> 00:01:02,150　　这下好了　　我怎么可能一边和斯坦·李讨论　　How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee　　18　　00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:03,420　　用银质冲浪板　　the scientific foundations for interstellar flight　　19　　00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:05,520　　来星际飞行的科学依据　　on a silver surfboard　　20　　00:01:05,530 --> 00:01:08,060　　一边逐行扫描他的脸　　when part of my brain will be scanning his face　　21　　00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:10,350　　以寻找皮肤传染病的蛛丝马迹　　for signs of contagious skin disease?　　22　　00:01:11,540 --> 00:01:15,000　　斯坦·李没有皮肤传染病　　Stan Lee does not have a contagious skin disease.　　23　　00:01:15,010 --> 00:01:18,180　　一边去　　你又不是斯图亚特的叔叔　　Well, look who thinks he's Stuart's uncle now.　　24　　00:01:18,710 --> 00:01:22,080　　难以置信　　我们要见到斯坦·李了　　Can't believe it. We're going to meet Stan Lee!　　25　　00:01:22,370 --> 00:01:25,670　　[《变形金刚》中大黄蜂播放过的歌曲]　　"I'm So Excited"　　26　　00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:34,660　　我错了　　我不该教他跳这舞的　　I'm sad to say I taught him those moves.　　27　　00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:56,010　　生活大爆炸　　第三季第十六集　　28　　00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,320　　我实在无法取舍 究竟让斯坦·李把名字签在　　I can't decicide whether I want Stan Lee to autograph　　29　　00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:09,270　　托尔第一次出场的《神秘之旅》83期上　　my Journey into Mystery 83, first appearance of Thor　　30　　00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:13,500　　还是签在《神奇四侠》第五本上 死亡博士的处女秀　　or my Fantastic Four number five, first appearance of Dr. Doom.　　31　　00:02:13,510 --> 00:02:17,220　　[Jeopardy智力竞赛节目　　思考时的音乐　　节目的主题曲]　　(Jeopardy theme song playing)　　32　　00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:25,150　　阿莱克斯 (Jeopardy的主持)　　我选的答案是　　Alex, I'm going to go with what is...　　33　　00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,660　　你是个傻帽　　you're a dumbass?　　34　　00:02:32,390 --> 00:02:35,680　　我决定让斯坦·李把名签在　　I've decided I'm going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy　　35　　00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:37,710　　这个月的《蝙蝠侠》上　　of this month's Batman.　　36　　00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:39,150　　有病吧你　　That's crazy.　　37　　00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,950　　蝙蝠侠又不是斯坦·李的作品[竞争对手]　　Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.　　38　　00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:43,480　　对啊　　所以其他人不会让他签这个　　Yes, which is why no one else will ask him to sign one,　　39　　00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:44,810　　于是我就会拥有一件　　and I will be the possessor of　　40　　00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:46,480　　虽然怪异但独一无二的稀世珍宝　　a unique, albeit confusing, artifact,　　41　　00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:48,230　　我从此就和那群芸芸　　which will set me apart　　42　　00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,360　　漫画迷不再是一个级别的了　　from hoi polloi of comic book fandom.　　43　　00:02:51,390 --> 00:02:52,950　　这点子不错　　That's a great idea.　　44　　00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,150　　我也让他签《蝙蝠侠》去　　I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.　　45　　00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:00,320　　你对独一无二这个词很难理解么　　What is it about the word "unique" you don't understand?　　46　　00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:02,310　　靠　　手被纸片划破了　　Damn, paper cut.　　47　　00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:03,610　　被纸割伤最痛苦了　　Nothing worse than a paper cut.　　48　　00:03:03,620 --> 00:03:07,120　　你忘了割礼吧[犹太儿童切除包皮的仪式]　　Well, obviously you don't remember your circumcision.　　49　　00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,710　　上面抽屉里有新孢霉素和创口贴　　There's Neosporin and Band-Aids in my top desk drawer.　　50　　00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,980　　这些东西不是该放在卫生间里吗　　Why don't you keep that stuff in the bathroom?　　51　　00:03:14,990 --> 00:03:16,410　　卫生间里有　　还有厨房里　　He does. And in the kitchen.　　52　　00:03:16,420 --> 00:03:18,680　　还有车里　　再加上他口袋里　　And in the car. And in his pocket.　　53　　00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:21,460　　没错　　但我口袋里的可不给别人用　　Yeah, but the ones in my pocket are mine.　　54　　00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:24,410　　-嗨　　-嘿　　- Hi!　　- Hey.　　55　　00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:24,930　　猜猜看　　Guess who's going to be　　56　　00:03:24,940 --> 00:03:26,310　　周四谁会去漫画店　　at the comic bookstore on Thursday?　　57　　00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,110　　呃　　给点提示吧　　Um... can you give me a hint?　　58　　00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,910　　斯坦·李　　Stan Lee.　　59　　00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,880　　噢　　斯坦利　　Um... Stanley...　　60　　00:03:31,890 --> 00:03:34,150　　斯坦利·图奇?[著名演员]　　Stanley... Stanley Tucci?　　61　　00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,650　　不是　　No.　　62　　00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:38,010　　是斯坦·李　　No, Stan... Lee.　　63　　00:03:38,020 --> 00:03:40,480　　哦　　斯坦·李嘛　　Oh, oh, Stan Lee!　　64　　00:03:40,490 --> 00:03:43,350　　不错嘛　　Cool!　　65　　00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,750　　你根本不知道他是谁吧　　You have no idea who he is, do you?　　66　　00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,780　　谁说的　　我当然知道　　Of course I do.　　67　　00:03:47,790 --> 00:03:49,610　　你是我生命中的重要的一部分　　You're an important part of my life　　68　　00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:52,110　　我自然会爱屋及乌啦　　and I pay attention to the things you are interested in.　　69　　00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,780　　是嘛　　好啊　　Oh, good.　　70　　00:03:53,790 --> 00:03:55,180　　好极了　　Good.　　71　　00:03:55,190 --> 00:03:56,380　　那你说说　　斯坦·李是谁　　So, who's Stan Lee?　　72　　00:03:56,390 --> 00:04:00,160　　星际迷航里的　　Um... he was on Star Trek.　　73　　00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:04,410　　猜错了　　Nope.　　74　　00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:06,410　　-那就星球大战　　-又错　　- Star Wars?　　- No.　　75　　00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:08,280　　呃　　斯坦·李　　Um... uh, Stan Lee.　　76　　00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,440　　我知道了　　Ooh, he was in those　　77　　00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:11,750　　是你喜欢的傻帽功夫片里的　　goofy kung fu movies you love so much?　　78　　00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,350　　那是李小龙　　That's Bruce Lee.　　79　　00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:15,550　　啊哦　　Oh.　　80　　00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:18,760　　那这是小龙的书呆子哥哥斯坦?　　So, is this Bruce Lee's nerdy brother, Stan?　　81　　00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:22,080　　谢尔顿　　你抽屉怎么有那么多　　Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened　　82　　00:04:22,090 --> 00:04:23,850　　没拆封的薪水支票　　paychecks in your desk?　　83　　00:04:23,860 --> 00:04:25,880　　因为我想买的东西　　Because most of the things I'm planning to buy　　84　　00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:28,480　　市面上基本上都没有　　haven't been invented yet.　　85　　00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:31,210　　这儿得有好几千块了吧　　There-there must be thousands of dollars here.　　86　　00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:32,880　　你干嘛不存银行里　　Why don't you put it in the bank?　　87　　00:04:32,890 --> 00:04:34,380　　鬼才相信银行　　I don't trust banks.　　88　　00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:36,180　　我坚信如果有一天机器人奋起反抗了　　I believe that when the robots rise up,　　89　　00:04:36,190 --> 00:04:39,190　　自动取款机肯定是起义军领袖　　ATMs will lead the charge.　　90　　00:04:39,690 --> 00:04:43,480　　这儿还有一封 帕萨迪纳市法院寄来的东西　　You've also got something from the Pasadena Municipal Court.　　91　　00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:47,980　　肯定又是回信来鄙视我 之前寄去的几封信里　　Undoubtedly another snide response to my repeated letters complaining　　92　　00:04:47,990 --> 00:04:51,010　　投诉了法院门口的旗子 次序是错误的　　that the flags in front of the courthouse are flying in the wrong order.　　93　　00:04:51,020 --> 00:04:53,940　　按照从左到右的顺序 应该先是联邦旗　　州旗　　From left to right, it's supposed to be federal, state,　　94　　00:04:53,950 --> 00:04:55,250　　最后才轮到帕萨迪纳市旗　　and then city of Pasadena.　　95　　00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:58,760　　打断一下　　你为此寄了好几封信过去　　I'm sorry. You sent more than one letter about that?　　96　　00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,320　　它们看着太碍眼了　　It bothers me.　　97　　00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,880　　谢尔顿　　这是封传票　　Sheldon, this is a summons.　　98　　00:05:04,890 --> 00:05:06,550　　什么的传票　　A summons for what?　　99　　00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:10,050　　信上说你在玛格大道闯了红灯　　Looks like you ran a red light M Margo Avenue　　100　　00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,480　　时间是11月16号晚上9点半　　at 9:30 p.m. on November 16.　　101　　00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:14,710　　你被路边的摄像头拍下来了　　They got you on a traffic camera.　　102　　00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,160　　挺上镜嘛　　Nice picture.　　103　　00:05:21,090 --> 00:05:23,380　　11月16号　　November 16?　　104　　00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,880　　佩妮　　那不就是你在浴缸里摔倒　　Penny, that's the evening you fell in your bathtub　　105　　00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,980　　然后我不得不带你去看急诊的那晚吗　　and I had to drive you to the emergency room.　　106　　00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:29,380　　不是　　No, it isn't.　　107　　00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:31,080　　就是　　Yes, it is.　　108　　00:05:31,090 --> 00:05:32,710　　就不是　　No, it isn't.　　109　　00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,310　　佩妮　　我记得很清楚　　Penny, I have an eidetic memory.　　110　　00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,450　　而且摄像头也拍下了你在副驾驶位置上　　Also, that's a picture of you in the passenger seat　　111　　00:05:36,460 --> 00:05:38,010　　托着你那脱臼的肩膀　　holding your dislocated shoulder.　　112　　00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:40,860　　才不是呢　　Mmm, no, it isn't.　　113　　00:05:42,020 --> 00:05:45,510　　好吧　　那为啥传票上违反交规的　　Okay, then why is a summons for a traffic violation　　114　　00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,010　　是你的车　　而且挂着你的车牌　　committed in your car, bearing your license plates,　　115　　00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:50,290　　却寄来我这儿了　　coming to me?　　116　　00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:56,480　　好吧　　他们给我发了传票　　Okay, look, they sent me the ticket.　　117　　00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:57,710　　我告诉他们当时并不是我开的车　　I told them I wasn't driving　　118　　00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,550　　然后他们逼问我"除了你还有谁"　　and they were all, "If it wasn't you, who was it?"　　119　　00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,580　　于是你就把我出卖了　　So you betrayed me?　　120　　00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:02,750　　才没有　　No!　　121　　00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,210　　这哪是出卖　　It wasn't a betrayal.　　122　　00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:06,910　　我只不过表示"我的驾照已经没分好扣了"　　It was more of a "I can't afford any more points on my license."　　123　　00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,250　　我已经不得不　　I already have to buy my insurance　　124　　00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,710　　去开曼群岛上买车险了　　from this place in the Cayman Islands.　　125　　00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,250　　但我之所以开你的车还不是因为　　But the only reason I was driving your car　　126　　00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:16,060　　你当时可怜兮兮的我才伸出援手　　was because you were in distress and I was rescuing you.　　127　　00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:20,960　　你有张照片记录英勇的一天　　Yes,you have a photo to remember that heroic day.　　128　　00:06:20,970 --> 00:06:23,190　　没什么大不了的　　It's not that big a deal.　　129　　00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,420　　你只要周四去法院　　You just go down to the court on Thursday　　130　　00:06:25,430 --> 00:06:26,620　　交罚金就行　　and you pay the fine.　　131　　00:06:26,630 --> 00:06:28,460　　我才不去交罚金　　I'm not going to pay a fine.　　132　　00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:29,860　　那就说明我有罪　　That would imply I'm guilty.　　133　　00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:32,420　　你确实有罪　　You are guilty.　　134　　00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:35,430　　[《法律与秩序》的主题曲]　　135　　00:06:35,970 --> 00:06:39,270　　这个我喜欢　　That one I liked.　　136　　00:06:40,870 --> 00:06:42,220　　我是无罪的　　I am not guilty.　　137　　00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:43,520　　我只有实习驾照　　I only have a learner's permit.　　138　　00:06:43,530 --> 00:06:44,960　　佩妮教我的　　Penny was the teacher.　　139　　00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:46,890　　转黄灯时　　她就说"快快快"　　When the light turned yellow she said "Go, go, go."　　140　　00:06:46,900 --> 00:06:49,590　　于是我就"开开开"　　So I went, went, went.　　141　　00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:50,720　　谢尔顿　　对不起　　Sheldon, I'm sorry.　　142　　00:06:50,730 --> 00:06:52,620　　我会还你罚金的钱　　I'll be happy to reimburse you for the fine.　　143　　00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:56,460　　只要我能参演一部电影 或者自己拍个电视剧　　You know, as soon as I get a part in a movie or my own TV series.　　144　　00:06:56,470 --> 00:06:58,890　　不用你还　　因为我不会交的　　You don't need to reimburse me because I'm not paying.　　145　　00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:02,960　　周四那天　　我会去法院 正义会得到伸张　　On Thursday, I will have my day in court and justice will be done.　　146　　00:07:02,970 --> 00:07:06,470　　我现在就着手准备辩护　　In fact, I'm going to begin preparing my defense right now.　　147　　00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:10,260　　他坐定牢了　　Okay, he's going to jail.　　148　　00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:15,070　　对哦 周四是斯坦·李签名日　　Oh, that's right. Thursday is Stan Lee Day.　　149　　00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,070　　看到你做的好事了吧　　Now you see what you've done?　　150　　00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:23,530　　就因为你　　我们都见不到斯坦·李了　　Because of you, we're all going to miss Stan Lee.　　151　　00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:27,960　　你说"都"是什么意思　　What do you mean "all?"　　152　　00:07:27,970 --> 00:07:29,790　　你们是我朋友啊　　Well, you're my friends.　　153　　00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,790　　你们要站在我旁边　　支持我 为我提供案例　　You'll be standing by my side, supporting me, feeding me legal precedents,　　154　　00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,460　　你们上身要是够壮　　and if you had the upper body strength,　　155　　00:07:35,470 --> 00:07:39,130　　我胜诉时　　可以把我搁肩膀上扛出去　　carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.　　156　　00:07:39,670 --> 00:07:42,090　　这个嘛　　不行　　Yeah, okay. No.　　157　　00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:44,160　　你是说我为自己辩护时　　Are you saying that you will not stand beside me　　158　　00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:45,620　　你不会来站在我身边吗　　as I plead my case?　　159　　00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:47,660　　是这个意思　　That's what I'm saying.　　160　　00:07:47,670 --> 00:07:49,570　　霍华德　　Howard?　　161　　00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:53,120　　斯坦·李　　法庭上的你　　Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court.　　162　　00:07:53,130 --> 00:07:55,190　　要是《苏菲的选择》有这么简单　　Uh, if this was Sophie's Choice　　163　　00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,190　　电影就不会那么长了　　不行　　it would've been a much shorter movie. No.　　164　　00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:00,930　　拉杰 你会来吧　　Raj? You'll be there, won't you?　　165　　00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:08,090　　那好吧 我所谓的朋友都抛弃了我　　All right, then. My so-called friends have forsaken me.　　166　　00:08:08,090 --> 00:08:11,520　　看来只剩我和目击证人了　　So, I guess it'll just be me and my eyewitness.　　167　　00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:15,020　　晕死　　Oh, balls.　　168　　00:08:15,030 --> 00:08:16,260　　请着装得体一点　　Please try to wear something appropriate.　　169　　00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:17,790　　要是法官只顾着想　　It won't help my case　　170　　00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,490　　你屁股上'美味多汁'的意思　　if the judge is busy trying to read the word "Juicy"　　171　　00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,530　　对我的案子没好处　　scrawled across your buttocks.　　172　　00:08:27,430 --> 00:08:28,960　　佩妮　　Penny.　　173　　00:08:28,970 --> 00:08:30,320　　佩妮　　Penny.　　174　　00:08:30,330 --> 00:08:32,830　　佩妮　　Penny.　　175　　00:08:33,370 --> 00:08:35,790　　节奏不对　　That's just wrong.　　176　　00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,520　　好了　　走吧　　All right, let's go.　　177　　00:08:37,530 --> 00:08:40,260　　等一下 去法院之前　　Wait, hold on. Before we get to the courthouse,　　178　　00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:43,220　　我想看一下你的演技　　I'd like to call on your skills as an actress.　　179　　00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,520　　这是什么　　What is this?　　180　　00:08:44,530 --> 00:08:45,690　　我冒昧地　　I've taken the liberty　　181　　00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:47,660　　为你起草了出庭作证的剧本　　of scripting your appearance on the witness stand　　182　　00:08:47,670 --> 00:08:50,060　　面对现实　　你有点我行我素　　because, let's face it, you're somewhat of a loose cannon.　　183　　00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:52,520　　别担心　　都是用你的方言写的　　Now, don't worry; it's written in your vernacular.　　184　　00:08:52,530 --> 00:08:53,990　　我们排练一下如何　　So shall we rehearse?　　185　　00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,160　　我有得选吗　　Do I have a choice?　　186　　00:08:55,170 --> 00:08:56,820　　你当然有选择权　　Well, of course you have a choice.　　187　　00:08:56,830 --> 00:08:59,320　　虽然我们生活在宿命里　　Although we live in a deterministic universe,　　188　　00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,760　　但每个人都有自由选择的权力　　each individual has free will.　　189　　00:09:00,770 --> 00:09:02,790　　给我坐下　　Now, sit down.　　190　　00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:07,590　　请你回忆下 11月16日发生的事　　I call your attention to the events of November 16.　　191　　00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,060　　你记得那天吗　　Do you remember that date?　　192　　00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:13,030　　废话　　我记得　　"Darn tootin', I do.　　193　　00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:16,290　　请法官原谅我家乡内布拉斯加　　"If the court will excuse my homespun,　　194　　00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,020　　粗俗简朴的语言　　corn-fed Nebraskan turn of phrase."　　195　　00:09:19,030 --> 00:09:21,190　　很好　　继续　　Excellent. Go on.　　196　　00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,720　　我记得那天　　"The reason that date is, like,　　197　　00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:26,260　　而且铭记在我的脑子里　　"so totally fixed in my memory　　198　　00:09:26,270 --> 00:09:28,090　　是因为我有幸目睹了　　"is that I had the privilege to be witness　　199　　00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:32,130　　毕生从未见过的英勇行为　　to one of the most heroic acts I've ever seen in, like, ever."　　200　　00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,790　　谁的英勇行为　　"And who performed that heroic act?"　　201　　00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,460　　您的啊　　阁下　　"Why, you did, sir.　　202　　00:09:38,470 --> 00:09:40,790　　您　　谢尔顿·库珀博士　　"You. Dr. Sheldon Cooper.　　203　　00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:44,300　　而且我想说　　我很荣幸认识您　　And may I add, it is a privilege to know you."　　204　　00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:46,990　　不必称赞我　　"There's no need for compliments.　　205　　00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,020　　法庭只看重事实　　This court is only interested in the facts."　　206　　00:09:49,030 --> 00:09:52,820　　但感觉很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊　　"But it is a fact that it's a privilege to know you.　　207　　00:09:52,830 --> 00:09:55,330　　真的　　Totally."　　208　　00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,690　　一滴泪从我面颊流下　　A teardrop rolls down my cheek?!　　209　　00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,190　　纯属建议　　Only a suggestion.　　210　　00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,130　　喉咙哽咽一下也可以　　A catch in your throat would work just as well.　　211　　00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:07,690　　但我感觉　　"But it is a fact　　212　　00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:10,320　　很荣幸能认识您啊也是个事实啊　　"that it's a privilege to know you.　　213　　00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,830　　真的　　Totally."　　214　　00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:19,030　　你还是穿"美味多汁"的裤子吧　　Maybe you should put on your "Juicy" pants again.　　215　　00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:22,690　　去交罚金　　Pay the cashier.　　216　　00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:25,970　　谢尔顿·库珀　　Sheldon Cooper.　　217　　00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,820　　早上好　　法官大人　　Good morning, Your Honor.　　218　　00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:33,190　　我是谢尔顿·库珀博士 自我辩护　　Dr. Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se.　　219　　00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,390　　也就是说　　代表我自己　　That is to say, representing himself.　　220　　00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,790　　我知道什么意思　　I know what it means.　　221　　00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,160　　我读过法律学校　　I went to law school.　　222　　00:10:38,170 --> 00:10:41,100　　结果却在审理交通法庭　　And yet you wound up in traffic court.　　223　　00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:43,390　　不管怎样　　Anyway,　　224　　00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,860　　法官允许的话　　if it would please the court,　　225　　00:10:44,870 --> 00:10:46,190　　我想做个开庭陈述　　I'd like to begin with an opening statement.　　226　　00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,920　　法官会建议你简短点　　The court would advise you to make it quick,　　227　　00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:51,660　　因为法官早上吃了可能馊了的玉米煎饼　　as the court had a dicey-looking breakfast burrito this morning　　228　　00:10:51,670 --> 00:10:53,900　　而且刚吃了易蒙停(止泻药)　　and just took an Imodium.　　229　　00:10:55,670 --> 00:10:57,960　　快速的开场陈述　　A quick opening statement.　　230　　00:10:57,970 --> 00:11:02,920　　如同一个挤奶凳 本案有三个 立足点　　Like a milking stool, my case rests on three legs.　　231　　00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,390　　我要论证的是　　I will demonstrate　　232　　00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,220　　我在驾驶过程中　　受到一个女人的误导　　that I was improperly instructed in driving　　233　　00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:08,590　　这个女人缺乏社会上　　by a woman whose lack of respect for society　　234　　00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,020　　对反社会界定的基本认识　　borders on the sociopathic.　　235　　00:11:10,030 --> 00:11:12,020　　我要争辩的是　　I will argue　　236　　00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:14,490　　紧急情况下的法律原理　　that the emergency met the legal doctrine　　237　　00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:16,490　　是需要即合法[拉丁文]　　of quod est necessarium est licitum--　　238　　00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:18,690　　也就是需要即合法　　that which is necessary is legal.　　239　　00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:19,960　　但首先　　But first,　　240　　00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,920　　我要提出第六条修正案[美国权利法案]　　I will raise a Sixth Amendment issue.　　241　　00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:24,360　　我无法与控方对峙　　I'm unable to confront my accuser,　　242　　00:11:24,370 --> 00:11:26,320　　因为控方是一台非人类机器　　a non-human entity, to wit,　　243　　00:11:26,330 --> 00:11:27,690　　也就是摄像机　　a camera.　　244　　00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:29,020　　所以　　综上所述　　So, to sum up:　　245　　00:11:29,030 --> 00:11:30,190　　错误指导　　improper instruction;　　246　　00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,060　　加上"需要即合法"的原理　　quod est necessarium est licitum;　　247　　00:11:32,070 --> 00:11:33,290　　还有第六条修正案　　Sixth Amendment.　　248　　00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:35,220　　我的挤奶凳辨述完毕　　My milk stool is complete.　　249　　00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:36,460　　佩服佩服　　Impressive.　　250　　00:11:36,470 --> 00:11:37,120　　谢谢　　Thank you.　　251　　00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,020　　罪名成立　　Guilty.　　252　　00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:40,060　　去付钱吧　　Pay the cashier.　　253　　00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:41,460　　我反对　　I object.　　254　　00:11:41,470 --> 00:11:43,220　　你这是在无视法律　　You're completely ignoring the law.　　255　　00:11:43,230 --> 00:11:44,960　　不　　我遵守法律　　No, I'm following the law.　　256　　00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:46,720　　只是在无视你　　I'm ignoring you.　　257　　00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:48,320　　是吗　　Really?　　258　　00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:51,520　　提醒你一下　　我可是业内顶尖人士　　I would point out that I am at the top of my profession,　　259　　00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:54,700　　你却坐在桌子后面过家家　　while you preside over the kiddy table of yours.　　260　　00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:57,520　　库珀博士　　我给你个机会为你最后的言论道歉　　Dr. Cooper, before I find you in contempt　　261　　00:11:57,530 --> 00:12:00,620　　不然我要视你为蔑视法庭　　and throw you in jail, I'm going to give you a chance　　262　　00:12:00,630 --> 00:12:02,390　　把你扔进监狱　　to apologize for that last remark.　　263　　00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,060　　我可是个科学家　　I am a scientist.　　264　　00:12:04,070 --> 00:12:06,800　　我才不会为陈述事实而道歉　　I never apologize for the truth.　　265　　00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:15,430　　那是我的位置　　That's my spot.　　266　　00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,980　　我等不及要问斯坦·李　　I can't wait to ask Stan Lee　　267　　00:12:25,990 --> 00:12:29,250　　为什么他笔下每个角色的姓和名　　why he insists on giving all his characters first and last names　　268　　00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:30,980　　开头字母都是一样的　　that start with the same letter.　　269　　00:12:30,990 --> 00:12:33,310　　得了　　你真是十万个为什么[以下均为惊奇漫画人物]　　Oh, come on. Why would you do that?　　270　　00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,380　　布鲁斯·班纳　　里德·理查　　Bruce Banner, Reed Richards,　　271　　00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,380　　分别出自《绿巨人》和《神奇四侠》　　272　　00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:37,050　　苏珊·斯汤　　斯蒂芬·史催博士　　Sue Storm, Stephen Strange,　　273　　00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:37,050　　分别出自《神奇四侠》和《怪谈故事》　　后者为惊奇的系列漫画　　274　　00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,750　　奥拓·八爪博士和银影侠　　Otto Octavius, Silver Surfer,　　275　　00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:38,750　　分别出自《蜘蛛侠》和《神奇四侠》　　276　　00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,910　　彼得·帕克　　还有最夸张的　　Peter Parker, oh, and worst of all,　　277　　00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,910　　出自《蜘蛛侠》　　278　　00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:45,680　　小约翰·约拿·詹姆森　　J. Jonah Jameson, Jr.　　279　　00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:45,680　　出自《神奇的蜘蛛侠》　　280　　00:12:45,690 --> 00:12:47,550　　好吧　　我要插在你前面　　Okay, I'm cutting.　　281　　00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:51,280　　免得斯坦·李被你惹毛了我遭殃　　I'm not gonna talk to Stan Lee after you cheese him off.　　282　　00:12:51,290 --> 00:12:53,920　　《蜘蛛侠》的主题音乐铃声　　"Spider-Man" theme ringtone playing　　283　　00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,110　　嗨　　Hey.　　284　　00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,510　　谢尔顿进了监狱　　Sheldon's in jail.　　285　　00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,810　　啥　　谢尔顿进了监狱?!　　Sheldon's in jail?!　　286　　00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:03,250　　被你说中了　　You called it.　　287　　00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:04,850　　-怎么搞的　　-你觉得呢　　- For what?　　- What do you think?　　288　　00:13:04,860 --> 00:13:06,950　　就是他平时一贯的找抽风格　　For doing the same crap he always does,　　289　　00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,350　　只不过法官不吃这一套　　except to a judge.　　290　　00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:11,210　　他不道歉就出不来　　He has to stay in there until he apologizes.　　291　　00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:13,250　　那就让他道歉啊　　So tell him to apologize.　　292　　00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:16,480　　多谢提醒　　莱纳德 你以为我没想过吗　　Oh, gee, thanks, Leonard. That didn't occur to me.　　293　　00:13:16,490 --> 00:13:18,150　　如果他五点前还不道歉　　If he doesn't apologize by 5:00,　　294　　00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,080　　就得在监狱里过夜了　　he is going to spend the night in jail.　　295　　00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,550　　哦不　　真是糟糕　　Oh, no, that's terrible.　　296　　00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,790　　哇　　队伍动了　　挂了　　回见　　Ooh, the line's moving. Got to go. Bye.　　297　　00:13:34,090 --> 00:13:36,150　　有人吗　　Excuse me?　　298　　00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,890　　狱卒在吗　　Excuse me, jailor?　　299　　00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:39,810　　咋了　　What?　　300　　00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,580　　我要上厕所　　I need to use the restroom.　　301　　00:13:41,590 --> 00:13:43,720　　在那边　　自便　　Knock yourself out.　　302　　00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:48,450　　这算是马桶?　　That's the toilet?　　303　　00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,890　　不然你以为是许愿池吗　　Well, it ain't a wishing well.　　304　　00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:55,290　　请转告法官　　我准备向他道歉　　Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.　　305　　00:13:57,690 --> 00:13:59,510　　看啊　　Look at that.　　306　　00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,580　　"致吾友　　莱纳德　　"To my friend, Leonard.　　307　　00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,860　　独行侠　　斯坦·李"　　From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"　　308　　00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,860　　惊奇漫画的一个系列　　后改称Loners　　309　　00:14:05,890 --> 00:14:06,050　　牛逼　　Awesome.　　310　　00:14:06,060 --> 00:14:09,080　　我上面写的是　　"致吾友　　霍华德"　　Mine says, "To my friend, Howard.　　311　　00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:12,160　　独行侠　　斯坦·李　　From Stan Lee, Excelsior!"　　312　　00:14:13,290 --> 00:14:16,620　　我上面写的是　　"致拉杰　　斯坦·李"　　Mine says, "To Raj, from Stan Lee."　　313　　00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,780　　因为你纠结他的角色名　　把他惹毛了　　That's 'cause you pissed him off about his character names.　　314　　00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:24,180　　搞毛　　Hey,　　315　　00:14:24,180 --> 00:14:27,050　　我还没提达姆弹头杜甘和绿魔　　I didn't even mention Dum Dum Dugan or Green Goblin,　　316　　00:14:24,190 --> 00:14:27,050　　前者是惊奇漫画虚拟组织S.H.I.E.L.D成员　　后者出自《蜘蛛侠》　　317　　00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:28,710　　马特·默多克和小辣椒波兹　　Matt Murdock, Pepper Potts,　　318　　00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:28,710　　分别出自《夜魔侠》和《钢铁侠》　　319　　00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,280　　末日博士[出自《神奇四侠》]　　Victor Von Doom,　　320　　00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:32,280　　还有最夸张的　　oh, and worst of all,　　321　　00:14:32,290 --> 00:14:34,750　　米莉模特(惊奇漫画的长篇幽默系列)　　Millie the Model.　　322　　00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,610　　我们回来了　　We're home.　　323　　00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:38,450　　伙计　　情况如何　　Oh, hey, buddy. How'd it go?　　324　　00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,450　　你明明都知道了还问个屁　　You know very well how it went.　　325　　00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:43,920　　是啊　　但我们想听你亲口说　　Yeah, but we all want to hear it from you.　　326　　00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,480　　我被判有罪　　还被罚了533美元　　I was found guilty and fined $533.　　327　　00:14:48,490 --> 00:14:50,850　　我会写张支票给你　　I'm going to write you a check for that.　　328　　00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:52,850　　只要你答应我藏在抽屉里" type="audio/mpeg" />-->