如果这些数据让你惊讶,或许是因为太多的人假装外向。在操场上、中学衣物间里以及美国公司的走廊上,隐蔽的内向者不被人所察觉。有些人甚至欺骗了自己,直到某些生活事件——失业、厮守“空巢”、继承一笔能够让他们随意支配时间的遗产——让他们惊醒,开始审视自己真实的一面。只要与朋友和熟人讨论这个主题,你就会发现最不可能是内向的人认为自己是内向者。
It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themsevles. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal—— the omnipresent belief tht the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups.We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual—— the kind who's comfortable "putting himself out there." Sure,we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those wo get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so.
如此多的内向者甚至对自己隐藏真实的性格是有原因的。我们生活在一个我称之为“外向理想型性格”的价值体系中,即人们普遍认为,理想的性格特点是善于交际,有领袖气质,在众人瞩目的场合收放自如。典型的外向者喜欢行动,而不愿思考,喜欢冒险,而不愿小心谨慎,喜欢肯定,而不愿质疑。他们希望在短时间内作出决定,哪怕冒犯错的风险。他们在团队中善于合作和交际。我们往往认为我们尊重个性,但我们常常只欣赏一种类型的人——能够轻松自如地“表现自我”的人。诚然,我们允许在车库中创办公司的不合群的技术天才拥有他们喜欢的任何性格,但他们只是特例,而不是普遍现象,在大多数情况下,我们只对富甲一方或有可能腰缠万贯的人表现出容忍。
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