Our daughter was going to live.
It was as if you'd said, "God, you can have me, but you're not having my daughter."
Suddenly, from feeling I had nothing left to live for, I had Ilaria. I changed her firstnappy尿布, gave her her first bottle – I thought about how you'd have done it and tried to do it the same way.
But then it was back to the terrible reality – your funeral.
Four hundred people attended as thevicar教区牧师who'd married us buried you just three years later.
And then, two days later I brought Ilaria home from the hospital.
That first night I lay in our bed, Ilaria beside me in hercot轻便小床and I talked to you. "Jo, you should be here, I need you," I said. I so desperately wished you were lying beside me.
I spent my days in tears. At night I'd lay Ilaria next to me and tell her about you – how, beautiful, good and kind you were.
Photos of you were all over the house and I'd hold Ilaria close to them so she could see you.
And as she gets older, I do other things to bring you into her life. I try to cook things I know you'd have made to make our beautiful Ilaria know her mum, even if she doesn't remember you.
I hope you can hear me when I say: "I miss you Joanne but thank you for our wonderful daughter." I just wish you were here to enjoy her.
When Ilaria was a year old she was diagnosed withcerebral palsy大脑性麻痹which means she is unlikely to walk. She'll never speak properly and will require constant care. That's when I pulled myself together. I needed to, to give Ilaria the best life I can.
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