坚守求证确认这一点从恋爱之初就教会你如何对对方不要坦诚相待、和盘托出。对每次和你共处一室的那个她/他都要戴上面具。更别说你的求证你的确认教会对方你和你的求证确认并不等于他们需要求证确认,而且他们反而认为,就这样和你相处,你觉得还可以。确实是我们自己教会别人和我们的相处之道,恋爱中从来就没有50/50的说法,双方都必须愿意100%付出,否则恋爱关系无法维持下去。
What if you are feeling the need to have such an important conversation but have fears as to whether or not it will actually end with the dreaded "I'm not ready to commit". We really need to start listening to our instincts. If you are too afraid to tell your partner how you truly feel and having those feelings truly validated, there is a high chance your relationship is doomed for failure. If you hold onto your feelings in secret, your relationship is doomed to fail. If you can't find the gumption to even awkwardly ask, "Where are we going with this", the answer is easy... nowhere. You cannot have any sort of meaningful relationship based on the pseudo solid ground of secrets. If your instincts are telling you that your partner will run the other way at the sheer thought of having to define the difference between just dating and girlfriend/boyfriend, I'm sad to say but your relationship is probably doomed.
如果你感觉需要进行一次这样重要的对话沟通,却又担心是否会以“我还没准备好承担什么”而结束。我们真的需要开始跟着我们的直觉走。如果你不敢向对方说出你的真实感受,没有需要求证确认的那种强烈感觉,你们的关系极有可能注定是走向失败。如果你把你的感情藏起来,你们的恋爱关系注定要失败。如果你无法走下去甚至还笨到寻问对方的地步,“我们相处得怎么样?答案很简单……毫无结果。基于你坚守的是伪脚踏实地类的秘密,你的这段恋爱关系没有任何意义。如果你的直觉是对方会逃跑,满脑子都在思索关于单纯的约会和女朋友/男朋友之间的区别,抱歉!你们的关系可能是注定没有结果的。
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