[23] If I'm asked what it is like to go hungry, my answer is prompt and clear-cut, "Keep starving yourself for four days, my dear friend, and you'll know." Honestly, hunger is even more painful than death. It is the greatest of all human sufferings. When you hear your own stomach rumbling with hunger, you'll feel as if a large snake were trying to gnaw its way out of your belly. Sometimes, you feel so giddy that you cannot rise from your bed no matter how hard you try to, and your legs feel like jelly so that you cannot walk. Sometimes, you feel nauseous, but you throw up nothing but the gastric juice. You may even feel like gulping down a piece of flesh bitten off your own arm so as to appease your unbearable hunger. That made me believe as true the tragic story of ancients driven by hunger "to eat the flesh of each other's son" and victims of some calamity-stricken areas cooking corpses as food.
[24] Destitute as I am, I can bear my privation with great fortitude. I never yield, never bow to the rich, never think that a woman's way out is to marry a wealthy man.
[25] Hunger deepens my knowledge of the reality and gives me more courage to live. From now on, I'm going to redouble my efforts to struggle not only for myself, but also for thousands upon thousands of young men and women who, like me, are on the brink of starvation.
我故意和他辩论了很久,惹得全车厢的人都注意起来。车子驶到卡德路,我就下来了。怀着一颗兴奋的心,跑去找光光。她和元真正穷得没法过日子,见我去时很高兴,猜想我一定拿到了钱,连忙向我瓜分。我立刻给了她们两元,其余的两元多,就花在请她们吃饭的小馆子里,等到回去,又只剩几毛钱了。但我并不难受,我觉得吃了一顿饱饭,至少可以挨饿三天。 学会喝酒,也是在这个时候。一个人到了越穷困的时候,对于金钱便越视为粪土,我常常奇怪一钱如命的守财奴,为什么要这样刻苦自己,半文钱也不肯花。我只要精神痛快,物质生活哪怕再苦些,也不能丝毫影响我的思想和意志。有钱时我分些给穷朋友用,或者跑到馆子里大吃大喝一顿,或者买许多我爱吃的虾米、牛肉干、鸭肫肝和糖果回来;穷困时,就一个人跑去马路上喝西北风,躲在亭子间里喝自来水,或者索性蒙在被窝里睡两天,看看有趣的小说,以消磨这可怕的长日。 如果有人问我:“饥饿的滋味怎样?我立刻干脆地回答他:“朋友,请你四天不吃一点东西,饿一下试试吧。老实说,饥饿的确比死还要难受,比受了任何巨大深刻的痛苦还要苦。当你听到肠子饿得咕咕地叫时,好像有一条巨蛇要从你的腹内咬破了皮肉钻出来一般;有时你饿得头昏眼花,坐起来又倒下去了,想要走路,一双腿是酸软的,拖也拖不动;有时一口口的酸水从肚子里翻上来,使你呕吐,但又吐不出半点东西;更有时饿得实在不能忍受了,就想在自己的胳膀上咬下一块肉来吞下去,这时我才相信古时“易子而食和现在有些地方把死人的肉煮来当饭吃的惨事是真的。 虽然这样穷困,但我这副硬骨头始终不屈服,不向有钱的人低头,更不像别人认为女人的出路是找个有钱的丈夫。
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