Richard: Richard Freshman.
Girl: That’s unfortunate.
Richard: Pardon?
Girl: Nothing. (Chuckles. Thinking out loud:) Richard Freshman. That’s classic.
What a stupid name. I mean, it’s bad enough to have that name when you’re a
freshman, but. . . Even when you’re a senior you’ll still be a Freshman. (Nods
her head.) Even worse your name is Dick. Dick. Dick Freshman. Ooo.
(Shaking her head, Girl gets up and leaves with her lunch. Richard sighs and
goes back to his letter.)
Richard (Reads): “Now Richard, don’t go around breaking all the girls’ hearts.
Only kidding. Enclosed is your weekly $5 allowance.” She remembered! “Spend it
wisely. I hope you’re meeting a lot of new friends.”
(While Richard is reading, two frat boys enter, one carrying a stack of flyers,
the other a small booklet. They are staring at the booklet, trying to figure out
who Richard is. Finally, they approach him.)
Tim #1: Uh, Richard. . . Richard Freshman?
Richard (With his mouth full): Yeth.
Tim #1: Hi, I’m Tim. (Shakes Richard’s hand.)
Tim #2: And I’m Tim. (Shakes his hand.)
Tim #1: We’re from the Alpha Alpha fraternity.
Tim #2: But some people call us AA for short.
(Tims laugh at Tim’s joke. Obviously Richard doesn’t get it.)
Tim #1: Uh, anyway, we just wanted to tell you that we’re open to freshman any
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