其一:中心语言散乱,考生从迷茫、骄傲、愤怒、失望、面对人生的成败和荣辱六个方面进行分析,用的都是一些励志的语录,并且游离于题目内涵要求之外。没有突出某句话“常挂在嘴边”这一内容。
First, the central language is scattered. The examinees analyze it from six aspects: confusion, pride, anger, disappointment, success or failure in life and honor or disgrace. They use some inspirational quotations, which are far away from the content requirements of the topic. There is no emphasis on the sentence "always on the lips".
其二:内容上为了体现“丰富”,生拉硬扯地写了些与上下文不连贯的内容,如在谈到面对失望和面对人生的成败时,在其中间生硬地塞进有关对“人生价值”的思考,这显然与前后内容不一致。
Second, in order to reflect "richness" in content, some incoherent content with the context is written out. For example, when talking about facing disappointment and success or failure in life, some thinking about "value of life" is inserted between them, which is obviously inconsistent with the previous and later content.
其三:词句华丽,但空洞,没能结合自己的生活体验和人生感悟来谈对某句常挂在嘴边的话的深层理解,而只是游于表面,而且论述乏力苍白,既缺少有说服力的论据,又没有强化升华的高潮,致使本文中心不明确。
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