All of that is true. Your job is to acknowledge their reality — which is critical to maintaining the relationship. As Ken described it to me: "If someone's reality, as they see it, is negated, what motivation do they have to stay in the relationship?"
这么说也都句句属实,还能保证俩人关系和好如初。就像肯告诫我的那样:“如果人们觉得自己被忽视了,那还有什么理由相信这段关系呢?”
In the email back and forth I described earlier, instead of clarifying what you meant, consider writing something like: "I could see how my criticizing your performance — especially via email — feels obnoxious to you. How it sounds critical and maybe dismissive of your efforts in the meeting."
再看我前面提到的“邮件拉锯战”。与其不断强调你的本意,不如试着这样写:“我在邮件上指正你的表现显然让你感到不爽了。这些话带有批评意味,可能还抹煞了你在会议上的付出。”
I said this was simple but I didn't say it was easy.
我说这很简单,但并不表示这做起来很容易。
The hardest part is our emotional resistance. We're so focused on our own challenges that it's often hard to acknowledge the challenges of others. Especially if we are their challenge and they are ours. Especially when they lash out at us in anger. Especially when we feel misunderstood. In that moment, when we empathize with them and their criticism of our behavior, it almost feels like we're betraying ourselves.
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