点评: 结构上已经说过了,最好分成两段.内容上来说,两个分论点写地一般,第一个分论点后面的扩展太少;第二个分论点本身太抽象,表达地不清楚.
语法上还可以,错误并不多,但是好像没什么特别精彩的地方。
Admittedly, up till now, sex discrimination remains a problem. The emphasis on equal education opportunities for both boys and girls is exactly a must, especially in rural areas. However, since boys and girls are born with different gifts and missions, the extreme equivalence is somehow a myth. Only when the gender differences are eliminated can this extreme equivalence come true.
点评: 这段写得还不错,内容、结构和句型上都比较顺。
In conclusion, I admit the importance of equal education opportunities for both males and females. But just like the harm sex discrimination will do, an emphasis on extreme equality of these two genders is also detrimental.
这段写得也很不错。
总评:全文后半部分写得还不错,主要就是第一段有些问题.貌似可以给个6.5-7分吧。
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