点评:这段有许多问题需要澄清一下:
1 。段落中举例的问题。例证法是段落展开的常用方法,但是在雅思考试中不宜用太过冗长或描述很具体的例子,这样会显得段落太过繁琐的。以上就是明证,尽管作者企图用个具体的例子来证明自己的观点,但是效果并不好。由于,例子太长,犯了很多语言错误。
2 。单词拼写错误过多也会降分。
Some people hold the opinion that national and international oranizations have nothing to do with us common people ,(这里需有个逗号) which I strongly disagree with. The best example is the international children fund SOS. The organization have heop thousands of children who have no patent or home from different places. Maybe some of them is not far from us. To many degrees, national and international organizations are the advanced form of local communities, they have the similar functions and effects.
点评:这段写的比较简洁,反而容易理解。
In other words, local communities and national and international organizations are the two sides of a coin. We can begin with helping local communities, then, we can go on to support the national and international organizations. ( 306words )
总评:作者还是对语言的掌握不够精确。 5.5 分
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