呵呵,这里就有问题,大家发现没有,这个可爱鸭鸭的分论点与下午展开是两个方向的。主题句是说TV能代替家长陪伴孩子,可下文是TV能开阔眼界哦。J非常常见的错误。
In general, I suppose that TV can do help to improve childrens abilities in many aspects. But, it is still awareness that both parents and teachers should prevent children from being addicted in to TV program, by guiding them how to select significant and healthy TV program and make an scheme when watching TV or go out to play and to keep fit. , making schedule allocating time in a reasonable way. 好结尾,不空洞,有内容,并且有点商榷的意思,通过家长的监督,将TV的负面影响减少到最少,8错8错!!!
总而言之,这篇文章思路清晰,结构合理,如果能多加一个分论点更好。
最重要的是作者没有简单讨论TV好坏,而是紧紧抓住题目中的Study, 尽管中间段落扩展有点问题,但是我认为6分是能够达到滴。
此外,语言尽管有些小的语法错误,但是并没有太多造成理解的障碍,属于可以挽救的范围之内。
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