C) After all, its a whole lot harder to make friends in midlife that it is when yonre younger -- a fact woman Ive spoken with point out again and again. As Leslie Danzig, 41, a Chicago theater director and mother, sees it, when youre in your teens and 20s, youre more or less friends with everyone unless theres a reason not to be. Your college roommate becomes your best pal at least partly due to proximity. Now there needs to be a reason to be friends. There are many people Im comfort-able around, but I wouldnt go so far as to call them friends. Comfort isnt enough to sustain a real friendship, Danzig says.
D) At first, finding new companions felt awkward. At 40 I couldnt run up to people the way my4-year-old daughters do in the playground and ask, Will you be my friend? Every time you start anew relationship, youre vulnerable again, agrees Kathleen Hall, D Min, founder and CEO of the Stress Institute, in Atlanta. Youre asking, Would you like to come into my life? It makes us self-conscious.
E) Fortunately, my discomfort soon passed. I realized that as a mature friend seeker my vulnerability risk was actually pretty low. If someone didnt take me up on my offer, so what: I wasnt in junior high, when I might have been rejected for having the wrong clothes or hair. At my age I have amassed enough self-esteem to realize that I have plenty to offer.
F) Were all so busy, in fact, that mutual interests -- say, in a project, class, or cause that we already make time for -- become the perfect catalysts for bringing us in contact with candidates for camaraderie. Michelle Mertes, 35, a teacher and mother of two in Wausau, Wisconsin, says anew friend she made at church came as a pleasant surprise. In high school I chose friends based on their popular-ity and how being part of their circle might reflect on me. Nows its our shared values and activities that count. Mertes says her pal, with whom she organized the churchs youth programs, is nothing like her but their drive and organizational skills make them ideal friends.
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