修改后的文章:
Welcome to our club
Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax? Do you want to enrich your life? Why not join our club?
Our club is named Fun Club because we organize many interesting activities that can involve both entertainment and study. We hold a party on every Friday evening, at which you can sing and dance to music. Besides, we have a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related to your major courses and offer chances for you to compare notes on your studies. And we plan to set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. So, if you join our club, youll have many benefits. First, you can get lots of practice and build up your social skills. Second, you can make many new friends. Most of all, you can achieve a balance between study and entertainment.
There are several ways you can join our Fun Club. You can go directly to Room 300 to apply. You can also call us at 9542xxxx. Or you can send an application to us atmail@funclub.com. Dont hesitate. Itll be great fun!
点评:
这篇作文基本上达到了写作要求,能以简单的书面英语传达自己的意思,语言错误不多。该生对英语句子结构的掌握比较好,但是对英语的习惯搭配却不太注意,语感不是很好。下面是几点具体的修改建议。
1. 第一段第二句Do you want to relax yourself中的yourself是多余的。动词relax既可作及物动词用,也可以作不及物动词 用,例如:
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