1.Thinking Silence Is Awkward 1.把沉默当做尴尬
Regardless of whether there is anything of value to say, many of us feel a burning desire to fill every silent moment with some type of conversation. Whats so bad about just sitting quietly with someone, and why does prolonged silence make us feel so awkward? 大多数人都会急切地用各种话题来填补每一个沉默瞬间,不管这个话题有没有谈论的价值。和某人安静的坐在一起一言不发到底有什么不好呢?为什么长时间保持沉默会让人感到尴尬呢? Like many of our behaviors, it all comes down to our primal desire to belong and fit in with the group. According to psychologist Namkje Koudenburg, when the dance of conversation doesnt follow the traditional ebb and flow, we start to worry that something might not be right. We may wonder if were uninteresting or not relevant, which makes us worry about our position in the group. On the other hand, when the dialogue is bouncing back and forth as expected, we feel socially validated.That said, not all cultures experience awkward silence in the same ways as Americans and others. For example, in Japan, a long pause can be a sign of respect, especially when considering a serious question. Cross-culture businesspeople are even trained on this etiquette, so they dont assume a silent Japanese colleague is unsatisfied with the negotiation or whatever else the conversation is about.The Finnish, Australian Aboriginals, and those in many Asian countries are also known for long, silent pauses in their talk and dont see them as a sign that the conversation has broken down. Rather, its not uncommon for people from these countries to think Americans talk too much and dominate conversations. Incidentally, for those of us where nonstop talking is the norm, researchers say it only takes four seconds of silence for things to get awkward. 与我们的很多行为一样,这都是出于人类群体意识的本能反应。据心理学家Namkje Koudenburg研究发现,当交流模式和一般你来我往的情况不同时,我们就开始担心是不是交流过程中出现了什么问题。我们会思考是不是别人对自己所说的话不感兴趣,抑或是自己人微言轻不足以被重视。与之相反,如果交谈顺利,我们就会找到自身的存在感。即便如此,并不是所有文化都和美国文化中的沉默即尴尬一样。在日本,交流过程中出现长时间的停顿会被看成是一种尊重,尤其是在思考某些严肃问题的情况下。跨文化交际的商人甚至会专门学习这种礼仪。所以在他们看来,日本同事的沉默并不意味着对协议不满意,这也不会对交流产生任何影响。芬兰人、澳大利亚土著居民,以及许多亚洲人,他们在交流过程中经常会出现长时间沉默的情况,但那并不意味着话题的结束。这些国家的人也普遍认为美国人在交流过程中非常活跃且一直占据着话语的主动权。顺带一提的是,专家指出对于不喜欢交流过程中出现沉默的人来说,四秒的停顿就足以让谈话变得尴尬了。
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