亮点评析
原句平平淡淡,只是告诉人们要在社会立足,必须竞争,但这样一句简单的劝告似乎缺乏说服力,修改后的句子用了compete for survival,为了生存而竞争,而且后面又添加了一个并列分句,补充说明了如果不compete的后果就是be thrown out of the tide of society,被社会的浪潮所淘汰,使用这些更加具体深刻的词汇能够形象生动地表现出竞争的惨烈。
5.Original: I really believe that smoking is harmful to peoples health.
Revised: I have a profound conviction that smoking is harmful to peoples health.
亮点评析
conviction的意思是坚定的看法或信仰,have a profound conclusion表示对某种看法深信不疑,作文中提出观点的句子用have a profound conclusion会比用believe态度更坚决,立场更鲜明,而且believe这个词非常简单,是英语初学者就应掌握的词汇,换成have a profound conclusion立即增加了句子的复杂程度,体现了较强的语言运用能力。类似的提出观点的表达还有:
I hold a point of view that
I hold the opinion that
6.Original: We know that sometimes success is measured by how much money you earn.
Revised: It does not surprise us to discover that sometimes success is measured in terms of the money you earn.
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