TREAT YOUR PARTNER LIKE A CHILD
像对待孩子一样对待另一半
Yes, you read that right. Think about it: You know it's not enough to tell a child, "I love you. You're the greatest." You need to be specific and focus on the actual task they've accomplished, like, "You did a great job setting the table" or "You were so brave to tell your friend she hurt your feelings," says Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of Marriage Rules. That same logic applies to your husband-crystal-clear compliments go a lot further than vague verbal pats on the back. "Speaking to specifics warms things up and lets your partner know why you really admire him," helping to reinforce a real connection, adds Lerner.
是的,你没看错。想想看:你知道只是告诉小孩子"我爱你,你最棒了"是不够的。你需要具体一点,专门表扬他们实际完成的任务,比如,"桌子布置的真好"又或者"你真勇敢,告诉了你朋友她伤害了你的感情,"哈里特·勒纳博士说道,她是《婚姻法则》(Marriage Rules)一书的作者。这种逻辑对你的丈夫也同样使用--清晰明了的称赞比私底下模糊不清的赞美更加有效。"说一些具体的事情可以营造气氛,也会让另一半了解你为什么会倾慕于他,"这能加强你们之间的火花碰撞,勒纳补充道。
TURN CHORES INTO FAVORS
把家务活变成趣事儿
In this Lean In world, you'd think we'd have figured out how to split household tasks 50-50. But there's still a good chance that's not the case in your home. "Sometimes women let things manifest and we become passive-aggressive," says Syrtash. "Men prefer a more direct approach, so just say, 'Okay, let's tackle this. Here's what needs to be done.'" Most men want to be part of the solution, so if your husband needs a little extra push, put a reward on the line.
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