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How a crazy monk led me to enlightenment

Heroes have more noble tags. Song Jiang is called Timely Rain and the tiger-slaying Wu Song is called Pilgrim.

My favorite is Lu Da, or Sagacious Lu the tattooed monk. Lu was an army major who beat a local butcher to death. The butcher was taking advantage of a family and was holding their daughter captive. Lu escapes and disguises himself as a monk, and that's when the fun begins.

He's probably the worst monk there ever was. Returning from his drunken dog meat-eating binge, he joins his fellow monks in their meditation room and vomits noisily all over the floor. The stench is frightful. As he collects himself and adjusts his robes, a roasted dogleg falls to the ground. "Good," he says. "I was just getting hungry."

The monks hide themselves behind their sleeves but Lu asks: "Do you want any?" One monk tries to slide away but Lu seizes him by the ear and crams the meat into his mouth.

Lu is a loveable rogue and means well but he does not suffer fools, and there are many fools in this story.

One of the heroes confronts Lu, who holds another hero captive. The good monk laughs. "I've known for some time that he is one of the stars of Heavenly Spirits. Because many people on earth behave too wickedly, as a punishment to them and him, he was sent down to kill them. Would I dare go against the will of Heaven and harm a man like that? I only want to rough him up a little, then you can have him back."