39

　　. “He’s not here right now,” she said. I thought it was

　　40

　　that she didn’t tell me where he was or

　　41

　　to have him call me. But I was so weak, I just let it

　　42

　　. I found out later that Tom’s mother called my parents right after we rang

　　43

　　. My phone call really made her

　　44

　　, and she

　　45

　　they talk to me. Later that night, my mom

　　46

　　. Did I remember drinking? Did I remember in a car？I had

　　47

　　what she was talking about, so she finally told me the news: I’d hit a tree. Tom, in the

　　48

　　seat, was thrown from the car and killed instantly. The only reason I’d lived was because of my

　　49

　　.

　　My first

　　50

　　was of shock. I’d been drink-driving? Hit a tree? Killed Tom? I felt like the

　　51

　　person in the world. Even after I was able to

　　52

　　several weeks later, I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to talk. I just

　　53

　　at the wall in my

　　54

　　and cried. The only person I wanted to see was Tom. I didn’t feel like

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