谢丽尔·史翠德:你已经明白,你更渴望的是“诱惑的舞步”,而不是性。和史蒂夫一样,我鼓励你更深入地研究一下。那个舞步究竟是什么?只是一种感觉自己有魅力、被人渴望、拥有暂时的力量和被爱的可能性的极大肯定吗?也许你把从男人那里得到的性关注作为一种自尊的象征。当我20多岁的时候,这种感觉当然是真的。那时候,我也和现在的你一样:我有一个爱人,但也强烈地渴望许多男人都能在房间里一眼看到我,让我感到自己很特别。我也相信自己是那个你给自己贴的标签——一个放荡女人,但现在我明白我错了。我并不放荡。我只是很饥渴。我有一个洞需要去填补,而它并不在我的裤子里。为了弄明白这一点,我不得不放弃我心爱的男人,最终也放弃了那些充满诱惑的男人。也许这对你来说也是如此。只有当你能够更充分地解答关于自己的谜语时,你才能回答关于你生活中那些男人的难题。
SA: One thing we know from our infidelity series is that long-term monogamy always invites a paradox. Intimacy relies on familiarity and repetition, while desire thrives on novelty and the unknown. That’s why you feel that special electricity when you flirt with someone new. As Cheryl notes, these desires may be trying to tell you that you’re not quite ready to settle down. But it’s also possible that you and your partner can find a way to integrate your desires into the life you share. This may involve changing the terms of the relationship, and/or finding ways to inject a sense of adventure and mystery into it. To this end, I recommend reading Ester Perel’s wonderful book, “Mating in Captivity,” which argues that traditional monogamy doesn’t have to be a death sentence to your erotic imagination, nor even a prison. Your boyfriend may be fine with you exploring your sexuality. But chances are, his feelings will be more complicated, and that you’ll be asked to make some decisions about what you’re willing to sacrifice. The only way to know is to confess the contents of your heart to him. You two have some decisions to make. I urge you to make them together, in a spirit of love and respect.
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