It wasn’t always this way. Five years ago, I was going through some serious soul-searching. I was just back in the States after living abroad. Confused about what I wanted to do, I took a job at a dysfunctional non-profit, where I soon felt trapped. I had been single for a while and thought this meant something big about me. I tried to be myself, but each date I went on only confirmed how far I was from having the kind of relationship I wanted. There was nothing really wrong in my life, but nothing felt like it fit.

但之前我的生活并不是这样。五年前，我一直在认真进行自我反思。当时我正从国外回来，对于前途非常迷茫。在一家不太正规的非盈利机构工作了一段时间后，我陷入了工作困境。对于单身的我来讲，这个状态是非常严重的。我努力做我自己，但每天我所作的一切却仅仅证明了一点——我正离我理想的人际关系处理状态越来越远。我的生活并没有出现什么大问题，但却总感觉有什么不对劲。

It took a lot of change to get to where I am now. I got a therapist and a life coach. I got serious about my yoga practice, sat for 10 days on an intense meditation retreat, and took ayahuasca with a shaman in the Peruvian Amazon. I took a lot of risks and was super honest about what I wanted—and what I was willing to do to get there. These days, I still feel fear, anger, anxiety, and shame. But I see these as temporary moods within the larger framework of a life I love.

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