最好的办法就是你必须先要了解自己,然后才能有效地跟别人交流或帮助别人。当我们学会了培养意识,就是在为处理上述问题打基础。不仅如此,每段感情中的困难还是我们在解决此类问题的金矿。
One of the best ways to practice being present is meditation. I recommend it to all, however, if you're not interested in that, or it's not possible for you, this can be as simple as a few or multiple “breath check-ins” a day. All you need to do is sit quietly for as long as you desire. See if you can put all of your attention on the breath, and see what arises. Don't judge or resist your inner-workings. Simply accept. Practice this a few times a day, and it will start to become a great habit. This way, when you are in the thick of some painful experience with your significant other, you can access that presence and listen without judgment or impatience, speak with clarity, disperse the urge to blame, and learn to compromise.
练习找存在的最好方式之一就是冥想。我已经向大家推荐了,但如果你们没兴趣的话,可能就不适合,可以尽量简化为一天做几次或多次的“呼吸检查”。你所需要做的就是静坐,想坐多久就坐多久。看你是否能将精力集中在呼吸上,再看看想到了什么。不要做出判断,也不要抵触你的想法。只要简单地接受。照这样一天练习几次,冥想渐渐地就会成为一个很棒的习惯。这样一来,每当你跟另一半极度不愉悦的时候,你就会找到那种存在并且会带着耐心去倾听,也不会有批判的倾向,你能够清晰地表达,你指责的冲动会得到分散,并且还懂得了妥协。
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