当然也有些信号要警惕。如果对方不愿讨论金钱,对财务状况撒谎,只有索取没有付出,那么你可能就要重新考虑与之的关系。也许你的约会对象会说,他有把小费放在桌子上留给亲切友好的女服务生,但当你回去找落下的太阳眼镜时,却没有看到。不要放过这样的危险信号。莱文森指出,“一旦爱上某个人,我们就很容易用一些不健康的方式去纵容对方。”
A psychotherapist, Levinson is currently working with a couple that has been dating for four years and wants to buy a house. Both partners have steady incomes, but one has additional family money. Generous with small expenses, the partner with extra funds wants to split the home 50/50 even if it means buying a lesser property. The other partner cannot understand why his mate isn’t willing to pay more and take a larger share of the equity so they can live in a home they love. “The work, ” says Levinson, “is really about figuring out why she needs to be so boundaried here and having her partner understand why.” Being in love (like or lust) doesn’t preclude the realities of financial inequality and assumptions. By the same token, knowing the contents of someone’s bank account doesn’t mean you understand his or her relationship to it.
作为一名心理治疗师,莱文森目前正为一对情侣提供咨询,他们交往了四年并想购买一栋房产。双方都有稳定收入,其中一方拥有额外的家庭财产。手头更宽裕的女方虽然在小额支出上很大方,但却希望平摊购房费用,即便这意味着他们只能买小一点的房子也在所不惜。男方不能理解为什么女友不愿意多掏点钱,多负担一点购房费用,这样他们就能住上一栋自己喜欢的房子。莱文森说,“咨询实际上是为了搞清楚,为什么她需要在买房问题上划清界限,并让男友理解其中的原因。”坠入爱河(喜欢或欲望)不能排除财务不对等的现实和假设。出于同样的原因,知道某人银行账户有多少钱,并不意味着你就理解对方的金钱观念。
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