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约会时如何优雅如厕

Needless to say, Tom’s ‘monumental error of judgement’ means he's now single.

‘We could no longer allow something as banal as going to the toilet to continue to destroy millions of perfectly good relationships,’ the authors explain, thus ‘How to Poo...’ was squeezed out between them.

The authors acknowledge that women are much more advanced in their toilet behaviour than men and have successfully perpetuated the myth that they never do number twos or let off wind.

With that in mind Mats and Enzo have been chivalrous enough to write the part of the toilet perpetrator as a male throughout the 144-page guide. But they do point out that the gender is interchangeable in all examples.

The book, which is the third in the ‘How to Poo...’ trilogy, (hot on the heels of ‘How to Poo at Work’ and ‘How to Poo on Holiday’,) covers what to do if you need the loo in scenarios including a cocktail party, in a Gondola or on an aeroplane.

But if you’re hoping their five years of research has unearthed some game-changing advice, don’t cross your, erm, legs.

The book's advice on how to nip to the loo without alerting your date that you have any unsavoury biological requirements, is convoluted to say the least.

If you have a pressing predicament while on an aeroplane for a romantic weekend away the advice reads as follows:

'Come closer to her [or him]. Slide one hand under the thigh and squeeze very strongly at the knee. The pain will make them scream and they will jump up in their seat.'