Still following? The idea is to then jump up with your date and spill as much of your meal as you can to give you the perfect alibi for needed a loo-stop.
At a cocktail party, the book suggests excusing oneself by using one of following: ‘I’ll just pop for a refill’,
‘I’m going to pick up some petits fours’ or ‘Excuse me, I must have a word with...'
If you find your date in awkward position when the urge to 'left off steam' arises, don't panic -- simply turn to page 113 in your manual.
And it’s at pains to point out that ensuring nobody sees you leaving the loo is as important as going incognito as you enter – a common mistake of the party poo-er.
The advice goes from the sublime to the ridiculous when covering empty bog-roll emergencies, by suggesting one rips off wallpaper from behind the radiator.
To overcome an unattractive odour? ‘Quickly find a bottle of perfume and spray yourself with it. Use generously. Find and embrace your date, holding them close to you. Let go only when the air is decontaminated.’
And what happens if at the critical moment ‘you feel the need to decorate the toilet in the worst possible way’? The authors suggest coming over all 50 Shades of Grey and ducking to the loo in the pretence of grabbing the paper for some fantasy loo-roll-play.
But in truth, the classic, 'I'm off to powder my nose,' would probably suffice.
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2020-09-15
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