Next, recognize your own culpability.

接着是，承认自己的过失

It's easy to demonize your colleague. But you're almost certainly contributing to the dynamic in some way, as well. If you think your colleague is too quiet, you may be filling up the airtime in meetings, which encourages them to become even quieter. If you think he's too lax with details, you may start micromanaging him so much. To get anywhere, you have to understand your role in the situation.

把责任归咎于同事们很容易，但是你也很大程度上促使了这件事的发生。如果你觉得同事们太安静，你还在会议期间把行程排得满满的，这样只会让他们更沉默。如果你认为同事们不注重细节，你就会开始对他们吹毛求疵。不管怎样，你应该了解自己在不同情况下的角色和作用。

Now it's time to press reset.

然后便是重置规则。

If you unilaterally "decide" you're going to improve your relationship with your colleague, you're likely to be disappointed quickly. The moment they fail to respond to a positive overture or display an irritating behavior, you may conclude that your effort was wasted. Instead, try to make them a partner in your effort.

如果你只是单方面"决定"要修补与同事之间的关系，也许你会更失望。当你发现他们并没有积极地回应你或者表现出不耐烦的态度，你就有可能草率地认为自己的努力白费了。相反，你应该通过努力让他们成为自己的伙伴，这样紧张的工作关系才得以缓解。

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