We limited the type of discussions that online daters could engage in by eliminating their ability to ask anything that they wanted and giving them a preset list of questions and allowing them to ask only these questions. The questions we chose had nothing to do with the weather and how many brothers and sisters they have, and instead all the questions were interesting and personally revealing (ie.,“how many romantic partners did you have?”, “When was your last breakup?”, “Do you have any STDs?”, “Have you ever broken someone’s heart?”, “How do you feel about abortion?”)… Instead of talking about the World Cup or their favorite desserts, they shared their innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity. Everyone, both sender and replier, was happier with the interaction…What we learned from this little experiment is that when people are free to choose what type of discussions they want to have, they often gravitate toward an equilibrium that is easy to maintain but one that no one really enjoys or benefits from.

我们对网上交友者所讨论的话题限定类型，不允许想问什么就问什么，把可以问的问题给他们列出一个表，只允许他们问这些问题。我们选择的问题与天气无关，也不问有多少兄弟姐妹，所有的问题都很有意思，而且都能从问题的回答中看出每个人的个性（如，“你谈过多少次恋爱？”“你上一次分手是什么时候？”“你有性病吗？”“你伤过别人的心吗？”“你对堕胎这个问题怎么看？”）…不谈论世界杯或自己喜欢的甜点，分享彼此内心深处的恐惧或者告诉对方自己失身的秘密。每个人既要向对方讲述自己的故事也要倾听对方的倾诉，进行快乐互动…我们从这个小实验中可以了解到大家自由选择自己想要讨论什么话题，他们往往倾向平衡易于维护，但不会从中体验到真正的愉悦感受或从中受益。

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