他将妻子看做是自己的一面镜子,反应出他自己。什么意思呢?每次当他看到妻子好的一面:她善良,聪明,有创意,风趣,并且是一个好妈妈和好妻子。他认为这些好的品质也是他自己的体现,这是他理解的妻子最美好的画面。
And every time he sees her worst, he could acknowledge that it's also active in him and she's just mirroring it. But instead of remembering that his problems are with him and not with others, he wishes she would be different.
而每次当他看到妻子不好的一面时,他也认为是自己的体现。但与其记住这些问题是因为和他在一起产生的,而不是和其他人,他倒是更希望她能够有所区别。
Wishing that she would change won't produce positive change. Focusing on what's working -- how they are great together when they're good -- could turn the situation around.
期待她改变也并不能让她有积极的改变。关注着能够起作用的事情——即他们在一起的美好——能够使情况好转。
We tend to think that being to gether equates with knowing each other well, especially over a long period. But unless we make an effort to keep things fresh, it's easy to slip into the fourth stage , where there's a sense of loss and a tendency to give up and drift apart.
我们喜欢认为在一起等于很好的了解彼此,尤其是在经过很长一段时间后。但除非我们不断努力保持新鲜感,则很容易滑入第四阶段,一种失去的感觉并且很可能导致分手。
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