我研究过好的倾听者——包括间谍、治疗师和记者(不包括专栏作家)——试图搞清楚他们是如何做到的。第一步是要抛弃先入之见,即对话者是乏味无趣的。大多数人的确有一些值得一说的事情,只要你能够帮助他们说出来。
The second step is, therefore, to shut up. You may be aching to dive in and interrupt the speaker with a brilliant insight or joke, but don’t bother. He doesn’t want to listen to you either. As the British-spy-turned-Soviet-double-agent George Blake points out in his autobiography, “Most people are not particularly interested in your opinions or what you have to say, but very interested in voicing their own opinions and telling their own story.”
因此,第二步是闭嘴。你可能很想热切地加入其中,以一个绝妙的洞见或笑话打断说话人,但不要这么做。他也不想听你说。就像曾是英国间谍,后来又成为苏联双面间谍的乔治布莱克(George Blake)在其自传中指出的那样:“大多数人对你的观点或者你要说什么并不是特别感兴趣,但却非常喜欢表达自己的观点和讲述他们自己的故事。”
Let them tell it. Blake suggests “making an occasional encouraging remark or asking for an elucidation”. Let silences fall, because people will often blurt things out just to fill them. A London lawyer tells me he always warns clients that when the barrister cross-examining them goes quiet (often simply to leaf through his notes), they need to keep their mouths shut.
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