So what can you do to fix that? Whitbourne explains:
那么你应该怎样做来处理这个事呢?惠特伯恩解释道:
The Hamstra et al. study suggests that you first tune into the dimension of your personality that represents a lack of fit with the target of your disdain. The individual may not be a bad person, but just someone whose personality doesn’t fit your own. You’re a pessimist and this person is an eternal optimist. Or you’re outgoing and relaxed, and this person seems uptight and reserved. The Hamstra findings also suggest that the more of a mismatch there is, the more strongly your venom will flow toward this person. Recognizing the subjective nature of your reaction to the person you don’t “like” can become the first step toward seeking a common ground. Talking through your differences, perhaps in the presence of a third party, could help both of you figure out how to not only agree to differ, but to form the yin to each other’s yang. You may not end up as best friends, but you can at least learn to respect, and ultimately work, in the face of your differences.
汉姆斯塔和他同事的研究表明:首先你要调谐你的个性维度,你的个性维度与你不喜欢的目标不合拍。你不喜欢的这个人也许不是坏人,但是他的个性与你的个性不搭。例如你是一个悲观主义者,而这个人永远都是乐观主义者。或者你十分外向,放松,而这个人看起来很紧张,含蓄。汉姆斯塔的研究同样表明你和这个人越不搭,你就越不喜欢这个人。当你意识到你对这个不喜欢的人的反应属于主观本质时,就迈出了寻找共同点的第一步。也许在第三方在场的情况下,谈论你们的不同点,不仅可以使双方知道如何去认同大家的不同点,而且还能将彼此的阴阳相结合。你们也许最终并不会成为最好的朋友,但至少你们会相互尊重,最终能在知道彼此存在不同的情况下,互相合作。
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