Now, I'm working on the questions in the examination room. It's cool in the room. ["cool" is very important and heavy! ]When the test is over, I will stand in the hot sun for two hours to feel the feeling of the hot sun in the sky. [this is a big "bright spot", the full text is brilliant, everything is alive. "Nostalgia" came out, "heaven" came out, "big" farmers came out, and "pro" father came out. Everything is in silence ]
评点:此文很典型,不事张扬,不搞“满天星”的铺陈铺排,不搞华彩炫目的“集锦”,不玩深沉,只是极为朴实地记叙了父亲割麦、自己割麦的情景,中间一节还喊了“口号”!然而,它真实、本色、真情、纯净,一板一眼地道来,汹涌的内心波涛潜伏其间。父亲的言语,极少,但厚实、博大;儿子的情感表述很普通,但均发自肺腑。最大的亮点在最后:“考场很凉快”,与麦地很热对比;“当考试结束后,我要在烈日下站两小时,来感受那种烈日当空的滋味”——天下还没有儿子这样来感激当农民的父亲,文章中还没有人用过这种笔墨,这种机智!太感人了,而且是长效的!中学第一线的语文老师,可以此做为教学范例,进一步把握好作文导向。
Comments: This article is very typical. It doesn't make things public. It doesn't make the "stars all over the sky" layout. It doesn't make the colorful and dazzling "collection". It doesn't play deep. It just describes the situation of my father cutting wheat and myself cutting wheat in a very simple way. In the middle section, I also called "slogan"! However, it is true, natural, true and pure. It comes straight from the ground, and the surging inner waves lurk in it. The father's words are few, but thick and broad; the son's emotional expression is very common, but all come from the heart. The biggest highlight is at the end: "the examination room is cool", which is hot compared with the wheat field; "when the examination is over, I will stand under the hot sun for two hours to feel the taste of the hot sun in the sky" - there is no son in the world who would like to thank him for being the father of the farmer, and no one in the article has used this kind of ink, which is smart! It's very touching, and it's long-term! Chinese teachers at the front line of middle school can take this as a teaching example to further grasp the composition orientation.
【想天】相关文章:
★ 水果词汇大拼盘