Recently, as I fumed about all the ways in which the Big Man wasn’t feeding my praise addiction, these tips occurred to me. They apply to all kinds of relationships -- friendship, work, romance, family. It’s nice to be able to give praise effectively; it means a lot to people to receive sincere praise -- even people more mature than I.
最近,当我对于大男人没能满足我“表扬瘾”怒气冲冲之时,想出了下面的建议。它们适用于所有的关系——朋友、同事、恋人、家人。能恰当地赞美别人是一件佳事;即便对于比我成熟的人来说,收到真诚的赞美也意义重大。
1. Be specific. 要具体。 You read this in a lot of parenting advice: praise means more when it’s specific than when it’s general. “What a beautiful painting!” is less gratifying than “Look at all the colors you’ve used! And I see you used all your fingers with the finger paints. You’ve really made your picture look like a spring garden!” This is true, for adults, too. “Great job,” is less satisfying than an enumeration of what, exactly, was done well.
在许多家长建议中都能读到这一点:具体的表扬比泛泛的赞美更好。说“多漂亮的一幅画”远没有“看,你用到的颜色!在手指画中你用到了所有的手指。你这幅画看上去就像一座春天的花园”这句话令人满足。对于成年人来说也一样。“干得好”就比列举出到底哪件事做得好效果差得多。
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