事实表明，争吵的根源不在于你怎么想或你做了什么，毕竟别人体会不到你的想法或行为，别人体会到的是你的行为所带来的后果。

Here's another example: You send an email to a colleague telling him you think he could have spoken up more in a meeting.

举例来说：你给同事发了封邮件，说你觉得他本可以在会议上多做点发言。

He replies to the email, "Maybe if you spoke less, I would have had an opportunity to say something!"

他回复邮件说：“或许，要是你能少说一点，我就有机会插上两句了吧！”

That obviously rankles you. Still, you send off another email trying to clarify the first email: "I didn't mean to offend you, I was trying to help." And then maybe you add some dismay at the aggressiveness of his response.

这种话显然激怒了你，但你又发了一封邮件进行解释：“我不是要找你茬，只想提点意见罢了。”又或许，因为同事的回复太过分，你在邮件里也添油加醋了一番。

But that doesn't make things better. He quotes the language of your first email back to you. "Don't you see how it reads?" He asks. "BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" You write back, IN CAPS.

可这么一来，事情反倒更糟。他把你第一封邮件的原话拷贝给你，反问道：“那你这是写的什么？”你特地用大写字母回邮以示强调：“我不是那个意思！”

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