So how do you get out of this downward spiral?

如此恶性循环……怎么办呢？

It's stunningly simple, actually. When you've done something that upsets someone — no matter who's right — always start the conversation by acknowledging how your actions impacted the other person. Save the discussion about your intentions for later. Much later. Maybe never. Because, in the end, your intentions don't matter much.

其实，办法超级简单。当你惹别人生气了，甭管谁对谁错，先主动开口为自己的言行向对方道歉。至于你本意如何，以后再说，或者永远都别罗里吧嗦地解释，因为最后你的本意并不那么重要。

What if you don't think the other person is right — or justified — in feeling the way they do? It doesn't matter. Because you're not striving for agreement. You're going for understanding.

要是你觉得完全是对方做错了或有失偏颇呢？那也没什么大不了的。又不是非得意见完全一致，只要能相互理解就行了。

What should I have said to Eleanor?

那我该怎么跟埃莉诺解释？

"I see you're angry. You've been sitting here for 30 minutes and that's got to be frustrating. And it's not the first time. Also, I can see how it seems like I think being with a client gives me permission to be late. I'm sorry you had to sit here waiting for so long."

“生气啦？等了半个钟头，很不开心吧？唉，我老让你这样等我，老是因为客户而耽误你，让你等我这么长时间，真心对不起啊。”

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