[1]Business writing 中尽量少使用because....so... 这样的结构,看起来不够专业,改为:As we plan to upgrade.....
[2]有中式英文的痕迹:我要求你们。。。。改为:please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.
[3]这不能算作accident, 既然已经计划好了。整句去掉。换成thank you.
网友作文二:
From: office manager
To: all staff
Subject: the company system
I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our companys will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]
Thank you.[5]
名师修改意见:
[1]去掉这个开头,直接用被动语态开头。
[2]去掉,多余了。
[3]如果你不能保证用长复句可以表达清楚,那么建议换成短句吧。拆成几个短句也许表达更贴切呢。
[4]这句话看起来非常不清楚,主语在哪里?please 的后面是吗?改成:please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.
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