excuses

　　for him，Mom，”I said.“But maybe he is feeling unwell...” Mom said.“Maybe nothing，” I interrupted.I had been tending Mom since her health began to decline and this would be the first time in a year that my husband and I had a night out together.Jerry had promised to stay with Mom.But again he let us down.And more often than not，his drinking had a lot to do with it.His irresponsibility upset me.

　　I remembered our happy growing­up years in a small town in West Virginia.With good family education，Jerry had been a kind kid.He was only 15 when Dad died.Unlike him，I got over the sorrow soon，but he started drinking.Soon he began hanging out with bad guys.

　　Jerry and I didn’t see each other often，but we talked on the phone.Usually，though，we ended up fighting.When Mom came to live with us，Jerry dropped in regularly at first，but after a while his visits became sporadic.He explained he couldn’t handle seeing Mom in such a bad condition.Another excuse，I thought.

　　One day I went to see the doctor about my back.It had been aching for months.“I can’t find anything wrong with you physically，”the doctor said.“But I can tell you’re very tense.Is something bothering you？” I poured out my story about Jerry.“Do you think he’s likely to change？” he asked.I shrugged.“Probably not.”“But，you can，”he said gently.

　　Me？Why did I have to change？He was the one who constantly let us down.But what had I done？Maybe the doctor was right.I couldn’t love his behavior，but I could love him—the way I did when we were little.As I walked into the house I sensed a relief.

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