在我19岁的时候,发生了一场很严重的车祸。我整个人飞出车外,滚了好几翻,我是弹出车外的,之后在休息室醒来以后发现头部重伤,我从大学里休学,别人告知我智商下降了2个标准差,情况非常非常糟糕,我知道我的智商应该是多少,因为我以前被人家认为是很聪明的那种,小时候大家都觉得我很有才华。当我离开大学时,我试着回去,他们都告诉我说,“你没有办法毕业的。你知道,你还可以做很多其它的事啊,别往死胡同里钻了。”我死命挣扎,我必须承认,当你的认同感被剥夺的时候,那个主要的身分认同,就我而言是我的智力被夺走了,再没有比这个更加无助的时候了,我感到完全的无助,我拼命地疯狂地努力,幸运眷顾,努力,幸运眷顾,再努力。
Eventually I graduated from college. It took me four years longer than my peers, and I convinced someone, my angel advisor, Susan Fiske, to take me on, and so I ended up at Princeton, and I was like, I am not supposed to be here. I am an impostor. And the night before my first-year talk, and the first-year talk at Princeton is a 20-minute talk to 20 people. That's it. I was so afraid of being found out the next day that I called her and said, "I'm quitting." She was like, "You are not quitting, because I took a gamble on you, and you're staying. You're going to stay, and this is what you're going to do. You are going to fake it. You're going to do every talk that you ever get asked to do. You're just going to do it and do it and do it, even if you're terrified and just paralyzed and having an out-of-body experience, until you have this moment where you say, 'Oh my gosh, I'm doing it. Like, I have become this. I am actually doing this.'" So that's what I did. Five years in grad school, a few years, you know, I'm at Northwestern, I moved to Harvard, I'm at Harvard, I'm not really thinking about it anymore, but for a long time I had been thinking, "Not supposed to be here. Not supposed to be here."
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