Instead, she encourages behaviors he is able to sustain: 'It's awesome that you're working so hard on your homework.'

这位母亲换了个做法，她对于科尔能够坚持下来的行为予以了鼓励：“你的功课这么努力，这太棒了。”

The O'Dowds also invite their kids to see themselves as others might see them. Cole often has trouble waking up in the morning and tends to be cranky with his three siblings, says Mr. O'Dowd, an at-home father and former engineer. When he lingered in bed recently and snapped at his 9-year-old brother Luke for no good reason, Mr. O'Dowd asked him: 'So you want to be that person who nobody wants to talk to in the morning, because you can't be nice? Even if nobody says anything bad to you?' Mr. O'Dowd says. 'You could hear the tires screeching in his world. He stopped moving. He stopped breathing. He looked at me for a very long moment. Then he hung his head, said, 'OK,' and went about getting ready for school.'

奥多德夫妇还会提醒孩子们站在别人的角度，了解他人眼中的自己。早先任工程师、如今全职在家带孩子的吉姆说，科尔早上经常起不来，而且喜欢对他的三个兄弟姐妹发脾气。最近有一次，他又赖在床上不起来，还无缘无故地对他九岁的弟弟卢克(Luke)恶声恶气地说话，吉姆问科尔：“难道你愿意成为那种因为自己不会好好说话、所以早上没有人愿意搭理你的人吗？就算是没有人会冲你说什么坏话？”这位父亲说：“你可以听得到他的世界里传来急刹车的声音。他呆住了，连大气都不出。他看着我，过了很久，然后垂下头说‘好吧’，之后就去准备上学了。”

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