突然失去文凭促使我开始反思,我──显然也包括大多数的家长──在申请大学时无法与你们相比。因此,我想向今天在座的人数蔚为壮观的应届毕业生们致敬。
In high school you were National Merit Scholars, student council presidents and captains of your fencing teams. You took dozens of practice SATs, practiced viola for thousands of hours (violinists are a dime a dozen) and French-braided the hair of homeless veterans.
你们在高中时是全国优秀学生奖学金(National Merit Scholarship)获得者、学生会主席、击剑队队长。你们参加了数十次SAT模拟考试,练习了几千个小时的中提琴(因为会拉小提琴的人比比皆是),并且还为无家可归的老兵编法式发辫。
You masterfully tied together a set of emotional symptoms that looked enough like attention deficit disorder to buy you extra time on all your finals and standardized tests. Plus, you got to take the exams in special quiet rooms, where a test facilitator would sharpen the pencils outside, because the grinding sound triggered your acute sensory overload. (Which somehow didn't preclude your part-time summer job at Blenders Juicery.)
你们巧妙地将一系列看上去足够像注意力缺失症的情绪症状结合在一起,以此在所有期末考试和标准化测试中赢取更多时间。此外,你们还得在安静的特殊考场考试,考试协调员会在考场外削铅笔,因为削笔的刺耳声音会刺激你们超负荷的敏锐神经。(不过这一点不会排除你曾于暑期在Blenders Juicery兼职的经历。)
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