Ms. Steinorth, who is 48 and lives in Santa Barbara, Calif., no longer speaks to her former friend. 'I thought, 'After all the little things I've done, all the times I've been there for you, I ask for just one thing and you can't do it?'' she recalls thinking. Her former friend did eventually write a nice letter of recommendation, she says, after Ms. Steinorth had her husband make the request. But by then the couple's application was no longer valid.
今年48岁、住在加州 巴巴拉的斯泰诺特不再和她以前的那位朋友说话了。她回忆起当时的想法时说:“我想,‘在我做了那么多事情,一直在你身边给你支持之后,我只是请你帮忙做一件事,你都做不了吗?’”她说,在她让丈夫提出请求后,那位朋友最终写了一封出色的推荐信,但是那时他们的申请已经失效了。
As a result of this experience, Ms. Steinorth says, she 'holds back' a little in her relationships, giving more to people who really need her assistance and can't reciprocate or even say thank you. Instead of cooking three dishes for family get-togethers, she cooks one and makes several casseroles for the homeless. And she volunteers at a Basset Hound rescue organization. She also pays close attention to a new friend's style of communal orientation.
斯泰诺特说,由于这段经历,现在她在和人交往时会稍稍有些“保留”,而对真正需要她帮助但不能报答、甚至无法说声谢谢的人给予更多的帮助。她以前会为家庭聚会做三道菜,现在只做一道,然后再为无家可归的人做几道炖菜。她还担任巴吉度犬营救组织的志愿者。现在,她也会密切注意新朋友的公共取向度。
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