It is a quandary every couple with children eventually faces: Should we fight in front of the kids?
对有孩子的夫妻终将面临这样的问题:我们该不该在孩子面前吵架?
The answer is complicated. Child psychologists who study the issue tend to say yes -- if parents can manage to argue in a healthy way. That means disagreeing respectfully and avoiding name-calling, insults, dredging up past infractions or storming off in anger, for starters.
答案不是那么简单。研究这个问题的儿童心理学家往往会回答“该”──如果父母能够做到合理争吵的话。合理争吵,首先是求同存异,并避免扣帽子、侮辱对方、提旧事或发飙。
'Kids are going to have disagreements with their friends, their peers, co-workers, ' says Patrick Davies, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. 'If they don't witness disagreements and how they are handled in constructive ways, they are not well-equipped to go out into the world and address inevitable conflict.'
罗切斯特大学(University of Rochester)心理学教授帕特里克·戴维斯(Patrick Davies)说:“孩子们将会跟他们的朋友、同伴、同事产生分歧,如果他们没有见过分歧以及分歧的建设性处理方式,那么他们就不能做好足够的准备去闯荡世界,去处理不可避免的冲突。”
Dr. Davies and fellow researchers found that 'constructive' marital conflict was associated with an increase in children's emotional security, in their study of 235 families with children ages 5 to 7 published in 2009 in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. Other studies have linked constructive marital conflict with the healthy development of children's problem-solving and coping skills and even happiness.
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