如何判断是否应该公开秘密?专家说,要格外小心。如果公开秘密会伤害别人,不会有任何益处,那么就不应该公开。几十年前有过婚外情?如果已经过去很久,而且现在婚姻很幸福,那还是守口如瓶吧。
Unless you have a good therapist, you're on your own on this decision. Dr. Afifi says examine your motivation. Is it selfish? The desire to get something off your chest or a feeling of moral obligation to tell aren't good enough reasons to cause someone else pain. Consider how telling the secret will affect the listener, the relationship and other people, as well. Weigh long-term benefits against short-term drawbacks.
除非你有很好的治疗师,否则做决定得靠自己。阿菲菲博士说,要检查你的动机。是不是出于私心?有想卸掉包袱的欲望,或者觉得道德上有义务说出秘密,这些并不是给别人造成痛苦的足够好的理由。想想说出秘密会对对方产生什么影响,还有对双方关系以及其他人的影响。对长远的利益和眼前的弊端进行权衡。
People tend to disclose secrets in one of five ways, Dr. Afifi says. When we think the other person will react negatively, we are more likely to disclose indirectly, say by telling a third party. We might be rehearsing for the big tell. Or we might secretly hope the secret will get out. Sometimes we tell with incremental revelations, at first telling just a part of the secret to judge the reaction.
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