You could be polite but show little interest -- the 'passive positive' response. 'That's nice, dear. What would you like for dinner?'
最后,盖布尔称:“积极事件出现的频率远远高于消极事件”。“因此,机会也多得多。”
None of these will do your relationship any favors. The correct response -- if you want to help your marriage now and down the road, research shows -- is 'active constructive,' where you display enthusiasm. Be a thoughtful listener. Ask questions. Be interested and excited. And to show you really understand your spouse, point out why the news is important. 'I know how hard you worked to earn this promotion. You'll be a great leader. Let's go to dinner to celebrate.' Studies show this type of response increases all three positive outcomes -- emotional intimacy, trust and marital satisfaction -- for both partners.
盖布尔将对伴侣好消息的反应划分为四种。你可以忽视伴侣的好消息或者将话题转回到自己身上。比如,当你的伴侣告诉你她获得了加薪后,你答复她“晚餐吃什么?”或“等会儿听听今天发生在我身上的事情吧。”研究人员将此称作“被动破坏型”回应。
In addition to celebrating good times, experts say, it is essential to show appreciation to your spouse regularly, as in every day. 'You need to participate in relationships to keep them alive,' Dr. Gable says.
“主动破坏型”回应是那种你主动打消伴侣热情的行为。“你得到了加薪?难道这不意味着你的工作量增加了很多吗?”或者“那你要怎样应对由此带来的压力呢?”
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