Why is marriage so hard over the long term?
One of the main reasons is what science calls it "habituation." Which is a fancy way of saying we get bored.
Early on, when a couple can finish each other's sentences it's romantic. But over time "predictable" is a huge negative.
Chris Rock gets the point across humorously in this video (NSFW):
Robert Greene, author of The Art of Seduction, explains that surprise is key to romantic feelings:
Seduction involves a degree of surprise, which is generally the first thing that disappears after you've been in a relationship, and why there's no more seducing that goes on. Everything is familiar and you're no longer surprised by the other person. [The Art of Seduction]
So is there any way to bring those tingles back?
Yes. Here's how.
What you can learn from arranged marriages
"Arranged marriage! AGH! Weird!"
Hold on a sec. We can learn something here. What do researchers find when they compare at 50 arranged marriages and 50 "love" marriages?
Love marriages start out happier — but that declines quickly.
Arranged marriages start out less happy, but after 10 years, they're happier than love marriages. And stay that way.
The couples who had married for love and been together less than a year averaged a score of 70 points out of a possible 91 on the love scale, but these numbers steadily fell over time. The love couples who had been married ten years or longer had an average score of only 40 points. In contrast, the couples in arranged marriages were less in love at the outset, averaging 58 points, but their feelings increased over time to an average score of 68 at the ten or more years mark.
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