John Gottman, researcher and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, says 69 percent of a couple's problems are perpetual. These problems don't go away yet many couples keep arguing about them year after year.
Most marital arguments cannot be resolved. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other's mind – but it can't be done. This is because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage. [The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work]
So if you can't change them and they won't change you, how can you reduce the bad stuff?
You can't. But you don't need to.
The best relationships are more about increasing the good than reducing the bad.
Divorce may have less to do with an increase in conflict and more to do with a decrease in positive feelings.
Shelly Gable, professor of psychology at the University of California at Santa Barbara, has demonstrated that how you celebrate is more predictive of strong relations than how you fight.
Okay, so you need to increase the good times. What's the best way to do that?
(This part is exciting. I mean, literally.)
Forget romance. Think excitement.
Think a pleasant date night is all it takes to keep love alive?
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