工作中,我们都会遇到么一种人,他们能把所有事弄得一团糟,还以受害者的身份四处抱怨。除了讨厌,我真的想不到其他比这更厌恶的事了。而女性往往老爱这么做。她们把自己未能升职或者他人的晋升归咎于自己运气不好;总是抱怨命运对自己不公,却不想“我该怎么改变现状?是什么造成了我现在的处境?我怎么做才能好起来?”
4. Match their energy.
4. 保存实力,势均力敌。
As a first-year lawyer, I learned how to mirror other people's body language, and it really works. If somebody comes in upset and fired up saying, "What happened?!" it is totally inappropriate for you to say, "I don't know. I'm very sorry," in a low voice. You have to say firmly, "You're right! That should not have happened, and I'm on it!" And vice versa, you might need to take it down a notch if that person is down a notch. Just by matching the other person's energy and delivery, you make them feel heard and validated. Of course, if I had an opposing counsel who was trying to pummel me, I would not try to mirror them, because they were an adversary. I would calmly say, "You seem upset. Do you need to take a break?" Oh, they hated that. And I loved it.
在我当律师的第一年,我就学会了模仿对手的一举一动,这让我大受裨益。如果有人特别生气地冲你喊:“这是怎么了?!”这个时候你千万不能低声下气地说“非常抱歉,我不清楚。”你必须坚定地喊出来“对!这种事本来不该发生!我正在想办法!”反之,如果对方轻声细语,你也一定要轻声说。通过配合对方的气场和话语,你的话也能更有效地被传达和倾听。当然,如果我的抗辩律师咄咄逼人等着看我笑话,我当然不会这么做,因为他们是我的对手。我一定会沉着冷静地说,“你看起来很不冷静,需要休息一下吗?”哈哈,因为我喜欢看到他们此时气得快要跳脚的表情。
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