A woman I know who does online dating says she is often baffled by the seduction techniques of the men she meets. In person, most just boast to her at great length. Few of them stumble on the winning formula: ask her about herself, and actually listen.
我认识的一位女性在网络上征婚,她说她遇到的男人们的把妹技巧经常让她困惑不已。他们大多数人只是长篇大论地自吹自擂。很少有人能够找到制胜之道:即让她说说自己的事情,并且认真倾听。
Listening may be the key social skill. But humans have probably been bad listeners since Adam and Eve ignored God’s edict and ate the forbidden fruit. Now many experts believe that the digital era of endless stimuli has made things worse. “The average human attention span in 2000 was 12 seconds, but by 2013 it was only 8 seconds (one second shorter than a goldfish!)” concluded Microsoft Canada, after doing research on 2,000 Canadians.
倾听或许是至关重要的社交技能。然而,自打亚当和夏娃无视上帝的命令偷尝禁果以来,人类很可能一直都是糟糕的倾听者。如今很多专家认为,充斥着无穷刺激的数字化时代让事情变得更糟。“在2000年,人的专注时长平均为12秒,到2013年降为仅8秒(比金鱼还短1秒!)”微软(Microsoft)加拿大分公司在对2000名加拿大人进行研究后得出了这样的结论。
I have studied good listeners — including spies, therapists and reporters (not columnists) — and tried to work out how they do it. The first step is to bin the preconception that the person you’re talking to is boring and predictable. Most people do have something worth saying, if only you can help them say it.
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