我观察了一下医院里的其他母亲。有一个孩子囊性纤维变性,他母亲尽职地帮他进行理疗,在孩子胸上连续敲打,听砰砰的声音。她的努力里面饱含着奉献、希望和痛苦。我敬重那位母亲,她的一对双胞胎婴儿得了癌症,她在孩子们多次治疗之后还能强忍悲痛给护士们写感谢信。
I worried that I could not live up to these mothers' heroism. They did what good mothers are supposed to do,what mothers of sick children have to do,and what I did, too.
我担心自己可能做不到像这些母亲那样坚强。她们做的正是好母亲该做的,也是病儿母亲不得不做的,也是我所做的。
But I did not feel selfless, the way those other mothers seemed to feel. I was ashamed to admit it, but mingled with my terror and grief. After the first three weeks, we realized we were only at the start of a marathon. The friends who knew me best started telling me I should go back to work. It would be good for you to get a break, they said. I resisted. Good mothers, I thought, do not abandon their sick children for work. Yet when my son's doctor told me he thought it would be fine, that he could E-mail his assessments, I tore myself away.
但我并不像其他母亲那样觉得无私。我很羞愧地承认这一点,同时感到恐惧和悲伤。头三周过后,我们意识到这只是一场马拉松的开头。了解我的朋友开始对我说,我应该继续工作。他们说,换换环境对我有好处。可我拒绝了。我认为好母亲不会丢下生病的孩子去工作。然而儿子的医生也告诉我那样做会好一些,他可以用电子邮件向我传递治疗报告,我只好忍痛离开了。
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